Some Thoughts on Men and Boys
"Nature makes boys and girls lovely to look upon so they can
be tolerated until they acquire some sense."
-- William Lyon Phelps
"George
Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of
youth. He could not even lie."
-- Mark
Twain
"Boys are beyond the range of
anybody's sure understanding, at least while they are between the ages of
18 months and 90 years."
--
James Thurber
"I pay the
schoolmaster, but 'tis the schoolboys that educate my son."
--
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Boys are
found everywhere on top of, underneath, inside of, climbing on, swinging
from, running around or jumping to. Mothers love them, little girls hate
them, older sisters and brothers tolerate them, adults ignore them and
Heaven protects them."
--
Alan
Beck
"I was a 14-year-old boy
for 30 years."
--
Mickey
Rooney
"Boys will be boys, and
so will a lot of middle-aged men."
--
Kin Hubbard
"A dog teaches a
boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying
down."
-- Robert
Benchley
"Children need love, especially when they do
not deserve it."
-- Harold
Hulbert
"A lazy boy and a warm bed are
difficult to part."
-- A Danish
proverb
A Few Fun Thoughts:
Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric
Hotline,
"If you are obsesive-compulsive,
please press 1 repeatedly."
"If you are
co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2."
"If you have mutiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and
6."
"If you are paranoid-delusional, we know
who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can
trace the call."
"If you are schizophrenic,
listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to
press."
"If you are manic-depressive, it
doesn't matter which number you press. No one will
answer."
Jacquelyn
Mayerhofer
_______________________________________
Man to friend: "I figured out why
the Postal Service raised the postage rates. The extra cost is for
storage.
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Adolescence is when children
start bringing up their parents.
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It is good to remember that the
tea kettle, although up to its neck in hot water, continues to
sing.
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One of the greatest mysteries of
life is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry the daughter can be
the father of the smartest grandchild in the
world.
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There are some men who work hard,
the rest are willing to let them.
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The Preacher came to call the
other day. He said at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter. I
told him, "Oh, I do all the time. No matter where I am - in the living
room, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask
myself,'Now, what am I here after?'"
_____________________________
A teacher was having trouble
teaching arithmetic to one student. So she said, "If you reached in
your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket
and found another one, what would you have?"
"Somebody else's
pants on." said the student.
______________________________
As a young boy was setting out
for Sunday School one morning, he was given two quarters - one for the
collection plate and one for himself. As he was rambling down the
street he played with the coins. One of them slipped out of his
hand, rolled away from him and disappeared irretrievably into a sewer
grate. Gazing ruefully down through the grate he observed rather
sadly, "Well, there goes the Lord's
quarter."
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A hillbilly heard that the job of
watchman at a railroad crossing was open.
"You'll have to undergo a strict examination," the man in charge
said.
"Ask me anything!" bragged the
hillbilly.
"All right," spoke up the
examiner. "Supposing you are at the crossing and two trains are
coming along sixty miles an hour - head on. What would you
do?"
"Waall, I'd blow m'
whistle."
"Yes, but supposing your whistle was
out of order."
"I'd always wear a red shirt
and I'd take it off and flag the train."
"Let's say this happened at night."
"Then I'd
swing m' lantern."
"But suppose you had no oil
in your lantern."
"In that case," said the
hillbilly, "I'd call m' sister."
"Your sister?
What for?"
"I'd just say to her,'Come on down,
sis, and see the guldarndest wreck you ever saw in your
life.'"
Eddie Cantor quoted in the Reader's
Digest
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Click here for the Secret Link.
It'll be Fun! I
promise.
_______________________________
 Think About
It:
If you are scared half to death twice, what
happens?
* * * * * * * * *
Love may be
blind, but marriage is a real eye
opener.
* * * * * * * *
*
Gambling is a
sure way of getting nothing for
something.
*
* * * * * * * *
Jokes and history are the same
--- they repeat
themselves.
* * * * * * * *
*
If ignorance
is bliss, why aren’t more people
happy?
* * * * * * * *
*
We probably
wouldn’t worry what people thought of us if we knew how seldom they
do.
*
* * * * * * * *
A Bulldozer:
Someone who sleeps through a political
speech.
*
* * * * * * * *
The early bird may get the worm,
but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
*
* * * * * * * *
Eagles may soar, but weasels
don’t get sucked into jet
engines.
*
* * * * * * * *
Many people quit looking for
work when they find a
job.
*
* * * * * * * *
One of life’s mysteries is how a
two-pound box of candy can make a person gain five
pounds.
*
* * * * * * * *
When everything’s coming your
way, you’re on the wrong side of the
freeway.
*
* * * * * * * *
We have forty million laws to
enforce the Ten
Commandments.
*
* * * * * * * *
“I tried giving him artificial
respiration,” a boy who had pulled his little brother out of the lake was
telling his mother, “but he kept getting up and walking
away.”
*
* * * * * * * *
Money talks, but it
has a one-word vocabulary:
Good-bye.
*
* * * * * * *
*
Every father expects his boy to do the things he wouldn’t do when
he was
young.
*
* * * * * * * *
There are three stages in a
man’s life:
“My daddy can whip your Daddy.”
“Aw, Dad, you don’t know
anything.”
“My father used to say
………”
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A man never stands as tall as when he
kneels to help a child.
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An optimist is a father who lets his
teen-age son take the car on a date. A pessimist is a father who will
not. A cynic is a father who
did. Lyndon Johnson
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My father taught me to work: he did not teach me to love it.
I never did like to work, and I don't deny it. I'd rather read, tell
stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh --anything but
work.
Abraham Lincoln
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Did you hear about the latest
government study on aging? It cost $240 million and provided
compelling evidence that the average American is growing
older.
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Why was King Solomon so wise?
Because he had so many wives to advise
him.
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They have Dial-A-Prayer for
atheists. It rings and rings, but nobody
answers.
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